The NoPhone: A plastic slab for that special someone

Author: Kresta in the Afternoon Published on: December 22, 2015 Published in: Media & Entertainment

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Pros: Inexpensive, doesn’t need a battery.

Cons: It’s a rectangular slab of plastic that does absolutely nothing.

I’m talking about the NoPhone, which — as the name implies — has no camera, no screen, no music and, you guessed it, no phone. (It is, however, toilet bowl-resistant.)

The product of a successful Kickstarter campaign, the NoPhone comes in three models. There’s the completely featureless $5 NoPhone Zero (aka “the least advanced phone ever created by mankind,” according to its website), the $10 NoPhone (with fake buttons and ports) and the $15 NoPhone Selfie, which comes with an adhesive-backed mirror. All are guaranteed to do absolutely nothing, just like the Pet Rock from 1975’s holiday season.

“NoPhone simulates the exact weight and dimensions of your most beloved gadget in order to alleviate any feelings of inadequacy generated by the absence of a real smartphone,” Van Gould wrote on his personal webpage. Gould is the co-founder of the company behind the “device,” also called NoPhone.

The slab of plastic could be the perfect stocking stuffer for (a) your loved one who already has everything, (b) that person with extreme digital device envy or (c) someone you’d just as soon never hear from again.