How Would the Media Cover the Resurrection?

BY: Al Kresta - President & CEO

How  would the secular media have reported on the Resurrection? In this piece from Credo Magazine, Al offers his take 

The body of Jesus of Nazareth, the controversial rabbi who was executed recently, continues to elude authorities. It disappeared from its burial place sometime during Passover weekend. Executed by Roman authorities, the Bethlehem-born teacher and wonderworker was hurriedly buried in the tomb donated by Supreme Court Justice Joseph of Arimathea.

The disappearance was first reported the following Sunday, when at sunrise three female members of the “Jesus Cult” went to his grave to finish anointing the body for final internment. According to one of them they speculated how they would move the stone covering the entrance to the tomb. Upon arrival they were momentarily shocked by an earthquake which apparently forced the stone aside, leaving the entrance to the tomb accessible. All three agreed that the body was absent. One of the three, Mary of the fishing town of Magadla, became one of the rabbi’s principal donors after he performed an apparently successful exorcism on her. At the sight of the empty tomb she appeared hysterical and fled, screaming “they have taken the Lord out of the tomb and I don’t know where they have taken him!”

Following the earthquake Mary of Magdala’s two companions described a series of unusual events at the gravesite. The Roman guards commissioned by Procurator Pilate to protect the seal of the tomb were found wandering around confused. Some had collapsed and were lying prostrate on the ground.

They also reported an angelic figure appearing who claimed credit for causing the tremors that had moved the stone. He directed them to go to Galilee, where they would find the formerly dead rabbi still alive. As word of the empty tomb spread, a Jerusalem Times poll indicated that 68% of Jerusalem residents believed Jesus never died at all. That’s roughly the same number who pledged support for Pilate’s release of Barabbas.

Golgotha medical examiner Samuel Boughton, however, insists that Jesus was “unquestionably dead.” Pressed for details, he turned to Longinus of Bethany, a Roman centurion who had assisted in the execution. “He died quicker than most, so quick that I shoved a spear in his side just to make sure. Almost immediately blood and water flowed out.” Dr. Boughton explained that those crucified enter into hypovolemic shock, which causes fluid to gather in the membrane around the heart, causing pericardial effusion. Similarly, the fluid gathering around the lungs results in plural effusion. When this Roman Solider pierced Jesus’ side he punctured both the lungs and the heart, causing blood and water to flow and indicating that the heart had been pierced. Medical authorities have no plans to release the death certificate and no autopsy had been planned.

Even before his arrest, trial and execution polls showed diminished support for the Jewish teacher called a prophet by some and a blaspheming fraud by others, who noted he was raised in Nazareth – a small Jewish settlement of little political significance. Four days before his crucifixion the cult leader organized what appeared to be a royal procession into Jerusalem astride a donkey with a sizable crowd shouting “Save us!” and “blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!” This apparent triumphal entry into Jerusalem as the promised Davidic king enraged the religious authorities.

Public support for Jesus turned out to be short-lived. Soon after entering Jerusalem his support began eroding when he assaulted the small business vendors in the temple compound. Suspicions were raised by the Nazarene’s radical rhetoric and the public shifted allegiance to other Messianic candidates. Annas, chief aide to the High Priest, went so far as to accuse Jesus of befriending Republicans and sinners. He later corrected his statement to read “publicans and sinners.”

The Jewish Supreme Court was divided. Two justices – Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus – led a small contingent of rabbis breaking ranks with the council majority and publicly accusing the chief priests of Fake News campaigns to further discredit Jesus. A guard posted at the tomb confirmed reports he was offered a bribe to deny reports about the earthquake. Religious authorities, he claimed, coached him to say that Jesus’ disciples had come during the night and stole the body while they were asleep. Roman military officials laughed at the possibility of Roman watches dozing on Sentry duty. Jewish authorities, however, are sticking by the story and have petitioned Pilate to place the guard under house arrest.

Insiders within the Jesus movement admit that the women’s reports were initially dismissed as nonsense and hysteria. Two well-placed Jesus followers, Peter and John, did however visit the tomb in a hasty attempt to disprove Mary’s claim. In an exclusive interview with Credo, John described a previously-undisclosed detail. Not only was the tomb empty, but the burial clothes were folded up and left behind.

Peter, The Rock, has not been available for further comment regarding the burial clothes but late on the Sunday following Jesus’ presumed death he claims that Jesus made a special appearance to him. For personal reasons he refused to discuss the conversation with the allegedly risen one. Others close to Jesus are, however, certain that this private appearance was meant to work out problems related to Peter’s earlier denial of Jesus. The former tax official, Matthew, and John the Beloved both told Credo that Jesus had slated Peter to play a decisive role in leading the new movement.

Reports of similar appearances continue to proliferate. Cleopas and an unnamed follower of Jesus have shared one of the strangest reports. Upon leaving Jerusalem after the crucifixion they headed to Emmaus, about seven miles outside the city gates, when they were joined by a third person who did not identify himself. After a sustained conversation about the collapse of the Jesus movement, they invited their fellow traveler to continue the discussion at supper. As they prepared to eat, the stranger performed a ritual act of breaking bread well-known within the movement. At that moment the bread was broken and Cleopas claims that “our e yes were opened up.”

They recognized the stranger as Jesus, who then vanished from their sight, leaving them holding a piece of pita. Moved by this encounter the two men moved immediately to Jerusalem to tell others. Up to 500 are now claiming some sort of experience with the post-crucifixion Jesus. In a news conference in Sepphoris yesterday Palestinian religious scholar John Allegro, author of the Sacred Mushroom and the Cross, urged mental health experts to investigate the possibility of mass hallucination or even the use of entheogens like peyote that cause a form of spiritual altered states. Allegro urged open-mindedness but Heinrich Clure, author of the Psychopathology of Altered States, argues that it is extremely unlikely that two persons would have the same hallucination at the same time. Thomas, one of the twelve at the elite core of the Jesus movement, at first rejected the reports circulated by Mary of Magdala and peter. Eight days after the first reports he was present for the second group appearance of Jesus

“He told me, ‘put your finger in my side, and put your finger in the wounds.’ I did. There was blood and torn tissue. If that was a vision than I’m a bleeding rutabaga.” John likewise insists that “we aren’t talking about what we believe. We’re proclaiming what we have heard, seen with our own eyes, looked at and handled with our hands.” The Center for the Study of New Religious admits that the emphasis on eyewitness testimony is unusual for a new religion but suspects that the fascination will be short-lived. “Once people have a chance to investigate the claims, I’m sure the stories will fall apart,” said Dr. Stanley. “I don’t see a future for this new movement.”

All Credo’s efforts to secure an interview with the alleged risen one were thwarted when our most reliable contact, Judas Iscariot, tragically turned up hanged. Authorities are investigating the circumstances of Judas’ death, which has been accepted by both the Jesus movement and the circles surrounding the Jewish religious establishment, especially the high priests. Judas had the pulse of both the public and religious authorities and his savvy insight will be sorely missed. It is not too much to say that without Judas we would have no story to report this week