NEW YORK, NY—Columbia University archeologists have uncovered evidence that Noah may have had regrets about allowing geese onto the ark. On an expedition to Turkey to examine underwater remains of what researchers believe is the ark that Noah built to survive the biblical flood, journals were discovered and taken back to the University to be authenticated.
Archaeologist Janet Hennesey confirmed that the preserved pages came from Noah’s ark and were most likely from a journal written by Noah himself. The numerous entries all share the same topic: lamenting the existence of geese on the ark and the regret the author felt for not murdering the horrid animals before they became part of God’s newly purified planet.
The author of the documents speaks of the “wiggly-necked feathered demon spawn” as a constant source of trouble on board the ark. Part of the translated document reads, “Why, O Lord, did you fashion the goose from the clay? Curse the day upon which this animal came into being, and let it be filled with darkness, weeping, and gnashing of teeth.”
The document is full of lamentations and doubts brought on by the existence of geese. At one point, the author admits to trying to strangle geese on the ark, but laments that the neck of the goose, “is slippery like the writhing serpent,” and difficult to grasp.
Read more at Babylon Bee.
Louisiana voters approve Amendment 1 to exclude ‘right to abortion’ from state constitution 
Election Results Are In: Christ Still On His Throne 
Election will be meaningless if we don’t change our ways