Friday Funny

The nation took a break from cheering on the murder of babies to mourn the death of a cat, sources confirmed Friday. The country that kills nearly a million babies every year was shocked to learn that Grumpy Cat had passed away. Millions paid tribute to the funny feline, saying the cat had... Read more

ENCINITAS, CA—Local man Jacob Vasquez was overjoyed to publicly give his life to Christ this past Sunday, being baptized in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  Unfortunately, Vasquez's conversion was overturned by officials after an instant replay revealed he was not fully... Read more

SAN DIEGO, CA—According to sources close to local Christian man Jim Leander, the husband and father quietly cursed Adam and Even while mowing the lawn over the weekend, blaming the couple for causing a curse to be placed on the ground and forcing him to weed, mow, water, and trim his lawn... Read more

GALVISTON, IA—Teenager William Hanks was driving down Interstate 32 yesterday when for a brief moment he looked up from his cell phone and nearly missed something cool on Instagram. The young driver was traveling at a speed of 78 miles per hour when the near-miss occurred. "Life comes at you... Read more

Thousands of newborn babies have been recalled upon the revelation that they have a defective sleep module, causing them to wake up crying and hungry over and over again in the middle of the night. Hospitals across the country encouraged tired mothers and fathers to return the babies to the... Read more

JERUSALEM—Hundreds of women have come forward to accuse King Solomon of Israel of inappropriate behavior, a report revealed. The alleged misconduct reportedly led to strife within Solomon's kingdom as well as the eventual division of Israel. "Frankly, he was pretty obsessed with sex and... Read more

After Rachel Maddow had to be airlifted to a nearby hospital for a panic attack as Trump was exonerated by the Mueller report earlier this week, MSNBC executives began looking for a replacement commentator. They considered lots of suitable replacements, from Antifa protestors to a water... Read more

HEAVEN—A report from the throne room of the Most High God confirmed Tuesday that the Lord is feeling "pretty confident" in his completed NCAA bracket this year.  "God's pretty sure He's got this one in the bag," said an angelic messenger in a statement to humanity. "Every winner, every... Read more

A UK man has been insistent on letting you know that, even though it’s Lent, a time for sacrifice, he’s still not giving you up. He made his plea in a video paired with horrible fashion sense and a unique form of dancing. He insists that’s he’s never going to give you up or let you... Read more

Well, this is odd. Google's self-driving cars all seem to be veering hard to the left for some reason. The driverless vehicles also refuse to make any right turns at intersections, emitting a blaring "BIGOT ALERT" error should they attempt such a maneuver. The cars will take hour-long... Read more