VATICAN CITY—Hoping to have all his holiday decorations up by the weekend, His Holiness Pope Francis has spent the past two hours rummaging through the basement of the papal apartments in search of the Vatican’s plastic nativity scene figures, sources confirmed Friday.
After climbing over dusty cases of sacramental wine and bins filled with mothballed vestments, the pope reportedly found the set’s plywood manger in a corner of the room near the sump pump, though sources noted he has yet to locate all the blow-molded polyethylene representations of the Holy Family and their Christmas visitors.
“Oh, come on, where’s the third wise man?” the spiritual leader of 1.2 billion Roman Catholics said as he pushed aside several priceless Raphael and Fra Angelico paintings to peer into a cardboard box, aided by the dim light of a bare bulb hanging overhead. “I could’ve sworn I put him away with everybody else. There’s a ton of donkeys and sheep in here, but a lot of good that does me with only two wise men. Jeez.”
“I don’t have time for this,” he added. “I’ve still got an epistle that needs to be finished.”
Read more at The Onion.