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Friday Funny: Death Penalty Still Permissible For People Who Drive Slowly In The Left Lane

Friday Funny: Death Penalty Still Permissible For People Who Drive Slowly In The Left Lane

VATICAN CITY—Following his recent announcement that the Catholic Church no longer supports the use of the death penalty, Pope Francis clarified that it may still be applied to slow left-lane drivers. “It almost goes without saying,” the leader of the Church commented. Whereas prior Church

Friday Funny: Man Struck Dead For Bearing False Witness After Clicking ‘I Have Read And Accept These Terms And Conditions’

Friday Funny: Man Struck Dead For Bearing False Witness After Clicking ‘I Have Read And Accept These Terms And Conditions’

BOSTON, MA—Local man Justin Fuller immediately fell dead after clicking “I have read and accept these terms and conditions” when installing a new piece of software Friday morning. The Lord and Sovereign Judge, from which nothing is hidden, could tell Fuller had not even glanced

Friday Funny: Average American Now Complains More In A Week Than People Living Through The Black Plague Did Their Entire Lives

Friday Funny: Average American Now Complains More In A Week Than People Living Through The Black Plague Did Their Entire Lives

U.S.—Demonstrating just how bad modern life has gotten, surveys now show that the average American today complains more in a week than people living during the black plague complained throughout their entire 30-year life span. “There’s just so much more going wrong now,” said Karen

Friday Funny: Lego Introduces New Sharper Bricks That Instantly Kill You When You Step On Them

Friday Funny: Lego Introduces New Sharper Bricks That Instantly Kill You When You Step On Them

BILLUND, DENMARK—Lego has just introduced new and improved interlocking plastic bricks that will instantly kill you when you step on them, sources at the company’s headquarters confirmed Thursday. The sharper edges in the new design will just immediately put you out of your misery, so

Friday Funny: Progressive Mob Tears Down Oppressive ‘One Way’ Street Signs Throughout City

Friday Funny: Progressive Mob Tears Down Oppressive ‘One Way’ Street Signs Throughout City

NEW YORK, NY—A violent, angry mob of progressive activists began to go on a rampage throughout New York City Tuesday, tearing down hundreds of street signs with oppressive messages like “One Way.” Representatives for the protesters claim they are advocating for a more tolerant, relativistic

Friday Funny: Prince Harry Nervous About Telling New Bride He’s Actually Sixth In Line To Having His Own Church

Friday Funny: Prince Harry Nervous About Telling New Bride He’s Actually Sixth In Line To Having His Own Church

Nervously rubbing his hands on the eve of his wedding, an anxious Prince Henry “Harry” of Wales told EOTT that he was still scared about how his fiancé would take the news when she found out that her soon-to-be-husband lied to her and was actually