• Friday Funny: Local Father Has Been Driving Around Church Lot Looking For Good Parking Space Since 1996

    CLEVELAND, OH—After arriving at Valley Community Church one fine Sunday morning in the fall of ’96, local father Brent Sterling has reportedly spent the rest of his life so far driving around the parking lot looking for a good parking spot. His wife and kids suggested he just park in the... Read more
  • Friday Funny: Death Penalty Still Permissible For People Who Drive Slowly In The Left Lane

    VATICAN CITY—Following his recent announcement that the Catholic Church no longer supports the use of the death penalty, Pope Francis clarified that it may still be applied to slow left-lane drivers. “It almost goes without saying,” the leader of the Church commented. Whereas prior... Read more
  • Friday Funny: Man Struck Dead For Bearing False Witness After Clicking ‘I Have Read And Accept These Terms And Conditions’

    BOSTON, MA—Local man Justin Fuller immediately fell dead after clicking “I have read and accept these terms and conditions” when installing a new piece of software Friday morning. The Lord and Sovereign Judge, from which nothing is hidden, could tell Fuller had not even glanced at the... Read more
  • Friday Funny: Average American Now Complains More In A Week Than People Living Through The Black Plague Did Their Entire Lives

    U.S.—Demonstrating just how bad modern life has gotten, surveys now show that the average American today complains more in a week than people living during the black plague complained throughout their entire 30-year life span. “There’s just so much more going wrong now,” said Karen... Read more
  • Friday Funny: Coexist Bumper Sticker Ushers in Era of World Peace

    Thanks to a Coexist bumper sticker spotted on the rear bumper of a local Toyota Prius today, the Organization for World Peace (OWP) has announced that every armed conflict in the world has officially come to an end. The sticker, located on the rear bumper of local “citizen of the... Read more
  • Friday Funny: Man On Deathbed Deeply Regrets Not Spending More Time Arguing On Facebook

    LOS ANGELES, CA—After a long battle with cancer, local man Gary Trimble was given mere days to live earlier this week, prompting the man to reminisce to friends and family about his life and express his greatest regrets. As his family gathered around him in his last moments, an emotional... Read more
  • Friday Funny: Lego Introduces New Sharper Bricks That Instantly Kill You When You Step On Them

    BILLUND, DENMARK—Lego has just introduced new and improved interlocking plastic bricks that will instantly kill you when you step on them, sources at the company’s headquarters confirmed Thursday. The sharper edges in the new design will just immediately put you out of your misery, so you... Read more
  • Friday Funny: Couple Fails To Come Up With Clever Wedding Hashtag, Marriage Declared Invalid

    LAGUNA BEACH, CA—John and Wendy Hamilton were married in a beautiful ceremony late last week, but it all may have been a waste of time. According to county authorities, the Hamiltons had failed to come up with a clever wedding hashtag before the event, and found their marriage license revoked... Read more
  • Friday Funny: Progressive Mob Tears Down Oppressive ‘One Way’ Street Signs Throughout City

    NEW YORK, NY—A violent, angry mob of progressive activists began to go on a rampage throughout New York City Tuesday, tearing down hundreds of street signs with oppressive messages like “One Way.” Representatives for the protesters claim they are advocating for a more tolerant,... Read more
  • Friday Funny: Prince Harry Nervous About Telling New Bride He’s Actually Sixth In Line To Having His Own Church

    Nervously rubbing his hands on the eve of his wedding, an anxious Prince Henry “Harry” of Wales told EOTT that he was still scared about how his fiancé would take the news when she found out that her soon-to-be-husband lied to her and was actually sixth in line to having his own church, as... Read more