FONTANA, CA—After his wife and kids reminded him nearly every day for the past week that it was time to put up the Christmas lights, local father Kyle Jackson reluctantly agreed, and committed to have them up in time for St. Patrick's Day, sources at the Jackson household confirmed... Read more

WYOMING, MI—According to concerned friends and family, local unstable woman Beth Carillo is already listening to Christmas music, despite the fact that it's barely November.  The unhinged psychopath woke up on the first of November and dusted off her favorite Mariah Carey and Amy Grant... Read more

U.S.—A record number of people voted in the midterm election, and the Republicans and Democrats have heard from it a clear message: they're doing just fine; don't change anything. "Look at those gains in the Senate!" said President Trump, "Tremendous! People clearly want bombastic... Read more

THE COUNTER—Famed crooner Mr. Lunt has checked into a rehabilitation center after admitting in a letter to his fans, friends, and family that he's hopelessly addicted to cheeseburgers.  Lunt's addiction began with his smash-hit love song "His Cheeseburger," a tender ballad about the love a... Read more

RIVERSIDE, CA—Firestarter Church recently came up with a great idea to make sure that church members who display the congregation's bumper sticker are representing Christ well: church deacons now administer a comprehensive driver's exam before allowing anyone to slap their sticker on their... Read more

GERMANY—In a new study, ten out of ten Nazi scientists strongly recommended against opening the Ark of the Covenant, or attempting to locate, dig up, or otherwise mess with the relic from ancient Israel in any way. "Nazis don't let other Nazis mess with the Ark," said one Nazi... Read more

U.S.—Show runners for Sesame Street have come forward to deny accusations that Bert and Ernie are in secret service to the Kremlin, feeding information to Russia’s leaders in order to undermine the interests of the United States. The statement came in response to a writer for the show,... Read more

HORTON, ND—It was time to eat dinner at the Kendall household and Gregory Kendall, who had just come home from a long day selling auto parts, was in no mood to pray. “Would anyone else like to pray?” he asked his family, but he was met with blank stares, his children not jumping at the... Read more

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The confirmation hearing for Judge Brett Kavanaugh heated up as actor Nicolas Cage began an intense line of questioning Friday: “You say you’ve studied the Constitution,” Cage said to the nominee, “so have you seen anything on it that might resemble a map, maybe... Read more

Iron man and Captain America have been seen fighting inside St. Peter’s Square this morning after witnesses say that the superheroes  had had a public falling out over the recent letter from Archbishop Viganó . “This is brother against brother” said the Captain, who is in full support... Read more